Will i win? I sure can! In my imagination at least!

We were watching the movie tonight "What happens in Vegas". After, while I was having a shower, I was thinking about the moment in the movie where at the very end she quit her job and gave all the money to her "husband", but then he found her and she said to him, "I quit my job and I don't know what I'm going to do". Then he reminded her that they have 3 mil. dollars. Sooooo I was showering and talking to myself...hmmm... I wonder if anybody else does it? Or is it only me? G is almost used to it, my talking to myself. I especially love doing it in the shower...so much that I sometimes forget if I actually washed myself or and not just stood there under warm water preoccupied with millions of thoughts and plans running through my head. Anyway, back to my talking to myself. I thought that I could do the same thing just quit and then decide what to do with my life...then I said, "Well, she has millions and she'll be fine...whereas me... Then I imagined and remembered that I bought that $100.00 precious lottery ticket from CHEO where the main prize is a beautiful house, a car and money!!! Oh my face was sooooo happy and smiley! I just saw myself winning it and feeling free to make a choice that I want and not being dependent on having to earn money. The draw is on Dec 22 and there will be another one in Jan. The picture of the house is on my fridge! I keep my hopes alive!!! What if that happens to ME? I can definitely see it in my imagination, in my shower...ha ha ha!!!

Going through rough time...BUT I HOPE for the best!

First of all. I didn't get a job at Public health for vaccination clinic because it's not busy anymore and they start terminating people. I'm ok with that.
Then we had an amazing news with my hubby...baby. I don't want to write all the details, but I discovered that I\m pregnant fairly early, the end of 2nd week. It's now 3 weeks. BUT the night before yesterday, I was at work, doing my night shift, from 0730pm. At around 11 i went BR and saw that I was bleeding. I still am, moderately. We don't know anything yet because nobody called yet about my blood results and my ultrasound is tmrow morning. I\m ready for any news, but I hope for the best!
It's 11th of Dec. I had u/s today and it showed that there's no pregnancy...very sad. I had hard time yesterday night, but G was the best friend to me yesterday, not that he is not, but yesterday he helped me so much! That's why today I was stronger and was able to talk to my parents. Every time I was thinking about my parents and Gaiana with her kids, I was balling...it was so hard. I received pictures from Gaiana the night I had bleeding...all these days I kept the pictures near by to look at them and get the support i needed. They helped me so much!!!

The feelings of the moment in the past!

We just got back from movie theater. We watched New Moon. I loved it! I know it's silly... being 26 and liking the romantic story that teenagers love, but who is to say that we can't enjoy it. To be honest the story reminds me us, me and Gev. It's possible... I mean what you read in books is possible in life. In fact, I think, a lot of books come from real life stories! The feelings are real and sometimes we want more than we have, but it's because we forget those 1st days, those moments when nothing could stop us from seeing each other, the pain when we had to be separated to go home, the pain when we had to be separated when he left for a long time and we didn't know if we ever going to be together because we were so young and so much was out of our control, and the days when we spoke on the phone and every breath we heard was giving us the adrenalin rush... So the point is the story in these series of books and movies reminds us about our own story! It's so great! In fact, I'm so happy I have my dear diary I kept writing since grade 6 because, I can sit down and open a page in one of my numerous old notebooks and just fly back to the moment in the past! You can't believe how vivid a memory becomes when you reminded even by one sentence...it covers you like a huge ocean tide with the movie-like scene and, in addition to it, the real feelings, the exact feeling of the moment in the past!

"Ask and you shall receive"

Ti continue from the last posting abour H1N1 clinic. I applied and got a phone call next day. I talked to HR worker and she explained everything to me and I agreed since I don't have to be vaccinated and hours are very flexible, and not to mention the experience... It'll be great! Gev was very cautious he didn't want me to do it to the safety reasons, but we both realize it could open more doors for me. I just came from my night shift and I'm soooo happy to have my days off. BUT I'm so tired from being there...I just don't think it's for me even though all my pts saying that I'm a great nurse. I just don't enjoy this work... too much stress, not enough time to spend with pt and even to study at work. I find I don't have a minute to look up a new thing...that's really pisses me off. I can't find time at home and you don't always remember at home what you wanted to look up 10 hours ago. I do feel that I'm getting better I know more than I think I know. Anyway, I'm happy to have an opportunity to do something different...so I might start on Mon...yeeeey

Back home and a nice get together w girlfriends!!!

Again a quicky since I have to get to sleep..tmrow is my 1st shift since my 10 days off in paradise. So we are back home all energized with sun in Florida. We got back yesterday and today A was coming to town. So me C and A met up in downtown and had such a wonderful day. We had lots to talk about...so we never stopped for our 4 hours we had; and it was still not enough. A was telling was about her experience in postpartum unit with moms and newborns...she loves it. Oh...it reminded of my clinical in there...it's such a great feeling to be part of bringing a life to our world. I wish I could try that floor. On that note...I just applied for a H1n1 flu clinic in Public Health. We'll seee...

I have to goooo...need a good snooze before busy days at work.

Paradise

I'm blogging from a paradise ...my hubby surprised me on my birthday with a trip to Florida, Fort Myers. Ooooh I was jumping, screaming, and yellng from happiness when he told me. I was working my last 2 nights, I was coming home on Fri morning, then we had my Bparty and next morning at 6am we left. I didn't sleep for 3 nights, but I gotta tell u it's worth it. Now we're here and enjoying every minute of it!!! It's our 5th day here and we have 1 more day. It's 0913am and we're soon leaving to Miami Beach, Gev really wants to see it...and of course me toooooo!!! Anyway, a quicky abpout our place here....our condo on 11th floor right on the Bonita Beach, we see and hear the ocean from our balcony, which goes acros the whole condo, so I can get out on the balcony from our bedroom or living room. We collected millions of shell of all kinds...and needless to say I had a blast when I saw how many shell are here. I have to go....I 'll try to continue tonight ot tmrw. Looooooooooooooooove it here!!!

It's all about POSITIVE THINKING!!! :)

My last posting was sooo saaad. G, my hubby, helped me then. He talked me into positive thinking and promised to spend more time with me on my days off so I don't feel left out. He also knows his ways to get me into a good mood with his jokes and cozy hugs :). And actually the work-days after that day were so much better. I had so many complements about being a good nurse and even being pretty(probably because I did make up that day to get myself into a better mood :); and I actually started to feel more confident being on my own. I did a venipuncture and took blood completely on my own without my preceptor. She told me "go and ring the bell if u need help" so I went in and said to myself "You gotta get it!!!" and I did ...oh I was so happy! And I also inserted a sailing lock successfully! Plus, my nurse was so busy that day that I was on my own and I did pretty well and she also complemented on me as being " a strong nurse". Obviously all the complements boosted my confidence and I went to work the next night shifts in much better mood and I think I even enjoyed them!
Soooo I feel much better now, and my spirits are up! I'm having my days off and enjoying them. Also My Birthday is coming; I'm planning a party and getting very excited.

In bed and sad

I'm in bed. Getting ready to sleep, but I'm in such a bad or rather sad mood. The reason is just a little thing. Tomorrow is my last day off and then I have to work 4 days in the row. Because my days off were the days of the week we didn't even go out anywhere, so I feel like we didn't get enough time together in a different setting like going for a walk or restaurant or movie theater. Maybe I'll go shopping tomorrow with my friend or even on my own... I'll shop, browse, I'll do something for myself! Nobody will make my happy if I won't! There!!! I guess it's just one of those days when everything is just not the way I want it to be. I don't want to go to work on Sat and it annoys me that I have to work on the weekends; especially, when I didn't get any time together with G. during my days off because they're only my days off and nobody's else. It sucks!!! Oh well, I just have to bear it for a bit, maybe a year!!! We'll see...

A letter

I wrote a long letter to my friend from university who went back home from Ottawa. She found a job in a little town close to her home town, but we miss her so much. It's our little university group, 4 of us, that now can't meet all together as often, but we don't want to loose each other and we won't. It's definitely strange not to see each other back in our classroom in the fall. That's why I decided to post that letter here:


Hi A!!!
I miss you so much!!! It's been awfully long since we all been together. It's strange not to get back in September in our usual seats in RGN. But it's nice that we all going forward with our lives. As you said back in spring, Alissa, "New chapters" opened in our lives.

My summer was great! I really enjoyed it. I was very busy there as well. Everyday something was going on. We were going to the beach, I was meeting either with my friend, my sister friends, or my classmates. I slept over at my sister's place, so we had a lot of those sister time. We enjoyed it so much. And being with my cute nephews was a blast!!! They are so funny, they made me laugh so much. I came back with the feeling I have to have kids, I want it now!!! They are the meaning of the life, I think anyway. I have a small picture in my blog of the view on the see from mountains. I wish you were closer to us here. We are planning a little get together at my place to see picture from Russia. But I'm very happy for you about your job. I think maternity is a great place. and it's good you're not too far from Chris! Say hi to him from me, and Gevorg is saying HI to both of you!

My job is going very well with lot's of stories by now. I finished my 2nd rotation. I have a few written in my blog from my 1st rotation (http://katunia.blogspot.com/). (Let me know what you think). I'll have to add more though. Sometimes I'm happy, sometimes I feel like I had enough on those crazy days, which I had a lot starting from the 1st one. It's just crazy time on my floor right now. Not enough staffing and we get heavy loads, so I tend to learn on my own because we are both, me and my nurse, crazy busy and she apologizes all the time for not being able to sit with me and explain thoroughly certain things. But I'm used to it by now. I love this quote by T. Roosevelt and I go by it on my shifts "Do wat you can, with what you have, where you are". It helps me to get through the crazy shifts. BUT, I gotta say I loved that 1st paycheque!!!! That was great!!! At least you feel like u've been rewarded for doing this compare to our clinicals.

Oh, I have an idea! A, maybe you should start a blog too about your job???? This way we'll be updated and it's so interesting to read about your experience there? What do you think?

About the weekend of Nov 7th. I'd have to get back to you on that. I'm not sure about our plans yet. I'll try to let you know by next week. It'd be soooo nice to get together !!!

1st shift and 1st paycheque :) and a quote " I don't care what you know, I just know that you care !"

Just came from my last night shift...now I can relax for 5 days. I had my shower and I feel like million bucks. Now I can really relate to my pts who say that after their 1st shower in a few days. So... I had my 1st four shifts. What can I say? On my first day we (me and my nurse) had a patient who got sick on us with pulmonary edema. 2nd shift we had a wonderful patient but with Ventricular Tachycardia (VTs). So she had to be constantly monitored. This pt was so nice and funny! I loved her! She kept saying "you're a smart cookey :)" because I only live in Canada for 7 years and I got my education and English is great as she said.She kept telling my story everybody in her family. She also said that I'm a wonderful nurse. I said to her that I still have so much to learn. and she said " I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU KNOW, I JUST KNOW THAT YOU CARE";and her sister said "oh that's a great quote". So we all wrote it down :).
I was very tired and stressed on my 1st day...the result was the excruciating migraine throughout the shift. A glass of wine helped at a dinner at a very nice restaurant in the evening. I'm still questioning myself everyday if that's what I need or I want. I can't answer, but I'm not happy right now...I find I'm more concerned about not missing something or being on time with meds and other procedures than about learning and being excited about my profession. Maybe it's because I'm a new grad. We'll see...I think it'll get better. It's my 1st week for God's sake (I always have to remind myself about that)!
However, THE BEST THING is my 1st PAY CHEQUE!!! Yeeeeeeeeeeey! It's $1600.00 The biggest pay check in my life!!! Now I have to decide how to celebrate it. I will definitely buy a hospital lottery ticket (it's about $100), that was my wish with my 1st paycheck! Who knows maybe I'll get the lucky one :)!!! Wish me luck!!!

Everyday together is a gift!

It's 1215am. We just came home from movie theater. We watched Love Happens. It's a comedy, but with a lot of sad moments about deaths of the loved ones, especially unexpected ones such as spouse or a child. During the movie we kept holding each other hand and I was thinking "Thank you God for giving us TODAY together" I just was sooo thankful to have him near. I do feel that we are the whole and we can't exist apart. It's not easy to let go the loved one. So... everyday together is a gift! I want to remember that every moment when we argue about little things or offend each other for nothing. Every moment together is a real gift. We have to appreciate it.
I also received a message today from my mom. She said that she had a surgery done and everything is fine. I was so sad and happy. I called my mom and when I heard her voice I knew she was fine and again this feeling of gratitude filled every cell of my body. Nothing matters that much in our lives as the ones we love dearly.

I started my job at HI!

I have become a professional and now I've started my 1st job as RN at the Heart Institute. I've made my first step on my career ladder!!! I'm doing my orientation on the floor and actually, I'm excited. I feel pretty confident. Today we went down to the surgery and saw two amazing procedure ACD(arterial septal defect) procedure and angiogram. It was very cool, except that I almost fainted there ... it's " the red day of the month" that's why...he he. I feel very fulfilled with my decision to start at HI and I think I'll be fine and I'll enjoy. However, I decided that I'll be proactive at the institution in such things as research, writing articles and participating in nursing conferences ( there are lots of such activities going on at the civic...so the doors are open!) . This might help to direct me and help me search for maybe a research position or smthng like that. Anyway, I gotta go to bed ...to dream about my future ... or better not because then I'll be up half of the night imagining myself in different positions at Public Health or Health Canada or University or HI research team..... see? I already started :)
Stop stop stop let's take a step at a time!!!

Back to Canada

Russia, Novorossiysk, 7 vetrov.

Here we go after almost two months. I'm safely back to my adorable hubby. I couldn't even imagine how much I was going to miss him. We were like two newlyweds when we saw each other at airport. Full of love, excitement, and romance :). It's been 4 days since I'm back. I'm still adjusting to Canadian mode. Anyway, enough about LOVE; RUSSIA...yeah...It was amazing. I definitely had a blast there...my parents,my uncle, my dear sisters, and my adorable nephews were meeting me at airport. I couldn't help, I was crying ... tears of happiness. I adjusted pretty quick to Russian lifestyle. I spent a lot of time with my sisters and nephews..oh I miss them so much now. Thanks to Odnoklassniki website (it's Russian network site like Face book)a lot of my classmate knew I was coming, we met. We reminisced so many school memories. It was great. I enjoyed our black sea; but every time I was on the beach I wished Gev would be with me. I know how much he loves sea and how much we enjoyed it being there together. I'll post a picture of the view. It's amazing, very similar to South of France. While driving through mountains to "Shirokaia Balka", I couldn't enjoy enough that beautiful view of vineyards surrounded by mountains and Black sea.
That's all I can talk about Russia for now.
I have a week before starting my job, I still have a few papers to get done. Oh...I FORGOT the main news...I PASSED MY RN EXAM :). I just have to send one more paper.
I'm excited and nervous before starting, but I said to myself "relax and do your best".

Leaving to homeland...

Ok... i only have 10 min before we head out to Montreal. Here we go...my last day before I leave for 2 months. It's so sad to leave my hubby. I can't even describe it. We got so used to each other that 2 months apart seems to be forever. But I'm also excited to see my family...it's just I want to go together. Next time only together!!!
Oooh i also wanted to follow up on last posting:
I passed my G2 driving test...Yeeeey!!!
I made $40 from selling my used clothes on Kijiji
I signed up 2 people under my team in AVON and also have a few customers
I successfully finished volunteering at community center in ACT
The only thing left is my RN exam result...which I don't know yet :(

So everything worked out well!!!
I just want my flight to be safe! I'm sure it'll be!!!
Feelings are mixed...I still can't believe I'll be in Russia tomorrow :)
Ballik (i just love this word, it gives me this warm feeling...), I love you ( i know u'll read it :)
Anyway, we have to head out...
I'll try to write in Russia!!!
I'll see my parents sooooooooon ...yraaaaa!

Yeyyyyyy...it's over!!!

Could yo believe that I'm in bed right now with my laptop, all relaxed browsing through my social networks and NOT THINKING of STUDYING???!!! I still can't believe! I finally wrote that EXAM. If I passed I'm officially done with university and studying...well, at least for the nearest 2-3 years.
Anyway, about the exam...
It was tiring...sitting 3.3 hours answering 145 questions was pretty nerve racking and just simply long. However after the lunch break, the next 3.3 hours were just torture with my migraine, sore neck, low concentration, HR 100, and questions that where so twisted that I had to read them 2-3 times to understand. Anyway, I did it all and I feel that I'll probably pass... in about 2 or 3 weeks I'll know.

For now, though, I just want to celebrate the achievement of one of the most important goals in my life.

Just one more day

I'm sitting here at 0829 pm with a headache, general fatigue, and overloaded brain from studying for so long. I don't know what else to review or how to memorize everything i read. I decided I'll finish major studying today; and tomorrow, the day before my exam, I'll relax and try to think of other things to do.
I just hope I'll pass...i still have doubts sometimes, but I'm sure I'll be fine. Even if I fail, i have another chance and that's how I calm myself down "It's not the end of the world even if I fail" ..it helps... a bit. At the same time I think, "If I never failed a class throughout 4 years and I have studied more than a month for this exam...I should be able to pass".
The exam will last 7 hours and there will be an hour for a lunch. There'll be 300 MC questions. To be honest, I just want to write it ...to be done. I'll try my best on the exam!!! All the people I know tell me "you'll pass" or "you'll do great"...and sometimes it's scary because what if I won't??? I don't want to disappoint others, especially my hubby, who is sure 100% in me. I thank him for it and I love him so dearly! He is the best!!! So much of support and love...it helps in everyday life big time, especially now...

Studying and ....

I think it's about time for a new posting. I had a good break after my nursing pinning ceremony, but now is a studying tome for my RN exam. I only have a week and 4 days left before this big day in my life!!! I have to pass the exam...it's a bit nerve racking because the pass of the exam determines if you become an RN. So... 8-hour-exam on 4-year-material and 1 min per question shouldn't be a big deal. Don't you think? Anyway, I'm taking a break right now from reviewing my psych notes to write this entry. My fellow classmates are in the same boat and I wish them all good luck and patience!!! Then we'll have our final graduation ceremony at OttawaU on June 15th at NAC :)
So...what's new? Oh...LOTS...
1.I'm taking driving lessons, finally, and I gotta say it's not as easy on my nervous system :). I guess I need some practice before I can sit back and relax in front of the wheel and stop grabbing the poor steering wheel so tight. No matter how I feel, I have to pass my driving test, that's what I said to myself. So I'm trying my best! We'll see how I did on June 26th :)
2. I'm also volunteering at a Community Clinic at ACT ( assertive community treatment program). I went there because I'm still searching for the dream job where I can be a real expert, help others, and enjoy being there. So since I liked mental health, I thought it's a great opportunity to explore what nurses do in a community and see how I like working and interacting with clients in the community. So I have a client who I see once a week. My title is a walking body, so we go for a walk and decide on different activities. I like my client and I know she struggles with different psychological problems, but we are getting along and I really hope that I'll make a difference (even a small one) in her daily life and activities. However, on the note of DREAM JOB, I think it's not a place for me yet on my career continuum. I'm very please with myself though, that I got into the volunteering, it's a lot of fun and learning!!!
3. I also became very active with AVON. Basically, the story is I rejoined avon a few months ago and just wanted it for myself since I like their products and jewellery. However, when I signed up my sister in law for it, my manager explained to me in more depth how you cam actually make good cash on avon in addition to your regular activities and work. So I'm starting to be more active and looking for people who want to sign up and also make $$$ and buy avon. We set up a goal with my manager that before I go to Russia, I'll make at least $700. I'm determined to do so... :) WISH ME LUCK!!!
4. I also started my own garage sale on Kijiji. How did that happen??? It was just my desire to get rid of extra good clothing that I don't wear anymore. However, I needed a method where I can make $ of it and do it from home (since I'm a busy girl as you see). SO the answer was my lovely Kijiji website. I really like browsing there and always wanted to sell smthng there. The opportunity came up when I was doing my spring cleaning in the closet. A huge pile of my lovely clothes had to go somewhere, but I couldn't just through it out... I decided to sell it and make some $$$ for my Russian trip. Before I go I'll write how much I made there... he he.
5. I went back to Lenscrafters for a few shifts a week. It was nice too see all my people there. I really enjoyed chatting and catching up with everybody!!!

Well... that's about all I am up to these days... Pretty intense..hey? THat's how I live my life...i never stop and always involve myself in different things when i get excited....It's me. I wish there were more than 24 hours in a day...

This chapter is closing and new one begins

I'm finally graduating!!!
With this posting i want to close this chapter in my life!
Just to recall about events in that long chapter.
I and Gev got together after a long separation, here, in Canada. Then we needed to work and study. So he worked and then he studied 1 year to become Lab Technician, he didn't like it. In a year he went back to college to become a Massage Therapist. I was working and also studying in Adult High School to get into university for Nursing. SO we both started our education in college and university the same year, 2005!!!! In 2007, my hubby successfully graduated from college!!! I'm so proud of him!!! I was at the end of my 2nd year. Today, I'm also graduating. Gev says he doesn't feel that he graduated 2 years ago, he feels that he is graduating now because he went with me through all my exams and stresses; and driving me and picking me up from clinicals and listening to all my stories. Those years meant so much to us. We worked very hard to get our education. Of course without support of my hubby, my parents in law, and my friends (who i met at university)it would be so much harder. Anyway, I did it!!!! Ah... I'm so happy and satisfied! We had our pinning ceremony, and our grad party, which was amazing with all my friends and our 2nd halves!!! We had a wonderful time!!!
To finish up this chapter... I'm going to Russia to relax and be with my parents and sisters. I already got my job at HI. And I just have to pass my RN exam!!!
I also want to mention that last year at university brought us, friends(Me,C,Cel, and A), so much closer because of Cel's cancer. The dx was a complete shock for her and for all of us, but we all did our best to support our dear friend. She did such a great job at battling this cancer, she's now at the end of her last chemo treatments and doing great!! We're so happy! She'll be graduating later and we will all celebrate once again!!!
C is going to Public Health and will get married next summer! A is currently in Europe and probably having amazing time! Can't wait to hear about this trip.
I wonder where we will be at in our lives in a couple of years!!! Well, i promise to write about it..he he.

A new chapter begins ...

I'm almost there

I haven't written since that weird day during my consolidation. I feel so much better, now that my consolidation is done and I will be actually graduating in about 2 weeeks!I can't even believe it!!!
Anyway....I have so many exciting news!!! First of, I finished my consolidation. Yraaaaaaaaaa!!! My last days were very good, i was more independent thanks to my preceptor, she stood back(finally) and did let me go at my pace. It was great. We exchanged cards and she even brought me a cake! That was so sweet! I didn't expect that at all!!! It was so nice of her! Anyway, we had a very good final evaluation on my last night there. Then I had my interview on this floor. I do think I have to start somewhere, so I decided to start in cardiology and keep seeking for other opportunities. However, I also decided to get some experience by volunteering in community center. SO i already had an interview and I'm currently waiting for a contact to schedule a day of start. This is a program with ACT(assertive community treatment), so I'll be visiting an individual with mental illness. It's a good opportunity for me to see a real world of those patients and their lives and to see if I would like to help them in their world.
Another, the best news, is I' m going to RUSSIA this summer. I'll see my parents, sisters, nephews! I can't wait!!!! I just have to go through last things with my graduation. I have a few more classes and a small open book exam. Then on April 4 is my pinning ceremony and a dinner with all classmates. Then I have my RN exam in june and university graduation ceremony where I'll receive my diploma!!!
So many years of hard work will pay off this day! I can't wait!
I'm so proud of myself ( I know it's a bit too much... but i can't help it since only I know how much I had to go through to be at this point today!)

Friday 13th

Of course my worst day of my consolidation had to be yesterday on Friday the 13th. So the day started with me not being in the mood to be at the hospital after those 5 juicy days off I had. I also did not have any coffee...Never underestimated coffee...it can make a difference!!! In addition I didn't sleep much that night thinking and trying to foresee my next 4 days on that floor. Anyway it's 12:39 and I have to sleep(i still have 2 more shifts to go). So to make story short, I got so busy with my patients that I forgot to give one puffer to a lady in an isolation room AND I was honest about it to my preceptor, so we had to write an incident report. I was so disappointed and frustrated...you have no idea. My preceptor tried her best to make me feel better, but I could care less about her comments at that moment. The Irony is that I also was supposed to have my midterm evaluation on that day. I kept asking myself, "Why did I have to make this error today????" Anyway, our midterm eval went very well and my meticulous work of fitting in tiny notes and examples of my experience into satisfactory columns paid off. Lorine loved that because she could see what I actually had an opportunity to do and how much thought I put into my care for my pts. We left the floor on a very positive note...I felt a bit better, but still frustrated about my med error.
My dear husband picked me up and heard the whole story on the way home.
Then "I saved the best for the last... on Fri 13th" at around 10 pm my preceptor called me and asked me if I gave a medication that I have signed off, which was for the evening. My head span for a couple of long seconds on the phone. All I could say " No I didn't....Loraine, I'm so sorry!" I went to bed with an awful feeling, but happy that this Fri was almost over and the next day, today, would be a new and better day. AND it was!!!

Right in The middle Of my Consolidation... he he :)

So ...I don't know where to start and how much I should write about my consolidation here. Overall, it's going well. I'm learning a lot, but I've got to say there are still millions many things I 'm still confused about. And of course, I, being so diligent and checking everything 500 times, take too long...so I end up running late for my assessments, pills, & brakes. Yesterday and today I had full load, 4 pts. Yesterday I was very frustrated, my whole day was disorganized, we were late for breaks all the time. I was getting very upset with different things. On those days, I usually become so pessimistic when i come home...I start to think that it's too much for me to handle, I can't do that, I don't know when I'll be able to deal with all that. However, I tried to think through how could I improve next day, today. I can say I'm happier with my work today. I was still very busy with all my pts. Among 3 diabetic pts out 4, I did discharge and admission, not quite by myself, but I still did the assessment. I drew blood, I never thougt I'd actually like to draw blood. I keep surprising myself.
Anyway, overall I'm thinking of staying on that floor. I know it'll be hard, it'll take time and my patience before I get more comfortable. At the moment I'm just happy that I'm half through and that I'll have a great break and I'm definitely going back to Russia this summer, no matter what!!!! I wonder where will I be next year at this time :) ???? I do have a few predictions, but I'll keep them to myself for now :)!!!

Light at the End of theTunnel!!!!

I'm so happy to say that I'm very close to the light I've been working for all these years. I have started my consolidation at university; it's the final practicum before graduating. I was lucky to get the spot I asked for which is at the Heart Institute. My 1st shift was last 12h night. It started so intense with a patient who was going downhill with shortness of breath, he was turning blue in front of us. As multidisciplinary team (cardiologist, RTs, nurse coordinator etc.) was growing by the side of the bed, I was just so involved with the activities around me,watching every single move of everybody, especially my nurse, who was great. I was also thinking, "how would I be able to intervene?" A few more things I started thinking as my night shift was ticking into the early morning, making it harder and harder to stay up. I was thinking, "how nice to have a regular hours job", then "how crazy that a nurse has 7 patients at night", then "will I be able to manage to work here?" So many questions I still have unanswered. I know that this rotation as all the other ones will bring me new knowledge and experience. My main resolution this year is to find a good job or even to just realize where will I be heading in my career? I realize that it might take a while to find MY job, but I know it's out there waiting for me!!!